Confessions Friday!

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Today’s entry has everything to do about things I try to hide from people. 

Life is a roller coaster and so are my feelings towards myself. 3 weeks ago I felt fat, 2 weeks ago I felt blocked, 1 week ago I felt fit, this week I feel sexy! My range of emotion is nothing new to me, each morning is a different adventure. I know it has something to do with the fact that I’m a woman, and we are “over emotional” but I am not ashamed of my issues. I am who I am, and right now I’m in a good place. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

I wish I wasn’t this emotional. I wish, no matter what size I am, that I felt beautiful no matter what. I do feel beautiful, but I inherited my mother’s body image issues. Its something I am constantly working on. I even started performing some life coaching techniques on myself, so I can get over some of my issues, but everything is a slow process. I know one day I won’t be so attached to my body image, but currently with no kids, no husband, and just me to worry about I get the luxury of freaking out weekly.

I love exercising at home. I used to work at one of the top gyms in San Francisco in Fitness Administrations. If I was still there I would have been Assistant Fitness Manager by now, but the gym wasn’t a place that I could truly share my beliefs, so I decided to start my own traveling personal training and life coaching business. I love that I am able to reach, and help, so many people; but I do miss all of the top of the line exercise equipment. I purchased some keetle bells, light weights, and a few other small things and now I exercise at my house. I love it, no one to look at me, no judging stares or annoying whispers. I can wear whatever I want, work as hard as I want, and scream as loud as I want. It’s a match made in heaven.

While an employee of a fitness club I got to meet a lot of gym people. I understand the culture, and I also understand that I do not fit into gym culture. I have been overweight most of my life, so sweating in front of people isn’t something I enjoy doing. Since I lost my weight in the comfort of my own home, I know I can do anything that I put my mind to. I love exercise tapes, trying new exercises and dressing super sexy while I sweat. It’s so much easier for me to jump out of bed, throw on a sports bra, some short shorts, and start my exercise routine. What can I say I’m addicted to the freedom, and I don’t think I’ll be joining a gym anytime soon.
You just peeked into my soul. I like being human, because I’m allowed not to be perfect; I’m allowed flaws and mistakes. I’m allowed to take a break from my strict diet, and crazy workout routine­­. As much as I love being in shape, I also realize it is not the end all of be all.

This is a never-ending journey that I signed up for. Thanks for coming long for the ride.

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